I Need A New Lock
by White Belt Writer
Summary: Watson dreams about getting a lock for her door. Or atleast she would if Sherlock didn't keep waking her up. A one-shot crack!fic I thought up at one in the morning and had to write down. Might turn into a series if enough people like it.


**A/N: To my many readers I ask the humble question:**

**Wanna kill me yet?**

* * *

Despite the building owner's less than exemplary cleaning standards, Joan had come to enjoy living in the brownstone. She'd somehow found the house's near lack of furniture, coupled with its overabundance of seemingly random knick-knacks and cold case files, to be rather charming.

"Watson?"

That being said; she really needed to see about getting the lock on her bedroom door fixed.

"Watson."

As soon as humanly possible.

"Watson!"

Groaning after once again being pulled prematurely from a pleasant slumber, Joan sat up on her bed and glared at her charge, who was crouching beside her bed, with eyes still blurry from sleep.

"What is it Sherlock?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes in an attempt to wake up.

"I figured it out," the consultant beamed, obviously pleased with himself over his success with…. whatever it was that was occupying his attention now.

"Figured what out?" Joan groaned as she stretched and popped some joints in her back, not bothering to try and cover herself in front of Sherlock. The man had randomly appeared in her room so many times that it seemed pointless to try and hide anything her two-sizes too large t-shirt might reveal now.

"I've figured out where I heard your voice before!"

She blinked owlishly at him.

"My voice?"

"Yes."

"You mean the one you hear every day?"

"_Yes_, we've established that I'm talking about your voice. Can we move on to the point where you ask, 'Why'?"

Sighing her defeat, Watson scratched her head and said, "Okay. Why, Sherlock."

"Why what?" he asked in that adorable accent of his. "Be specific."

She was going to kill him.

"Why did you feel the need to wake me up-" she glanced at one of her clocks and blanched, "- at _4:15 in the morning, _to tell me you figured out where you heard my voice before!"

With skipping a beat he quipped, "Because I have, Watson!"

Joan's hands met her face as she plopped back down into her pillow with a groan.

Without moving her hands she asked, "If I ask you where you heard my voice before, will you leave and let me sleep?"

"Yes."

"_Fine_," she propped herself onto her elbows. "Where have you heard my voice before?"

And with an absolutely straight face, Holmes replied, "Kung Fu Panda."

She blinked at him. Twice.

"Excuse me?"

"As you know, I enjoy watching several tellies at once; absorbing information in bulk. I did the same thing back in London, and it was there that I first heard your voice. Or at the very least, a voice with similar vocal characteristics as yours. It was in a children's movie titled Kung Fu Panda. A rather charming little tale about a fat panda who turned out to the Dragon Warrior destined to save his village from a dastardly villain named Tai Lung-"

"I know what Kung Fu Panda is about!" Joan interrupted, cutting off his long explanation. Rubbing her temples she said, "So what you're saying is that my voice sounds similar to a character in a movie."

"Yes," the strange man said. "Viper's, to be exact."

"The snake."

"I just said that, yes. Although it annoys me how the creators of the movie couldn't think up more creative names for their characters. I mean, everyone else in the film has an actual name, not just the name of whatever species they are."

"Holmes."

"It's quite lazy and annoying actually. Rather like naming your son John even though his surname is already John."

"_Holmes_."

"John John. Tsk, redundancy at its finest-"

"HOLMES!"

"Yes, Watson?"

Joan glared at him and Sherlock had the decency to be concerned for his well-being.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Room."

Clearing his throat nervously, Sherlock straightened up and made to leave the room. "Very well then. Enjoy your sleep Watson."

"Somehow I doubt that," Joan mumbled as she curled up on her pillow again.

Sure enough, not a minute after she became comfortable, Holmes stuck his head in the door, asking, "Have you seen Kung Fu Panda 2?" and had to quickly pull his head back or else risk it getting smashed by the alarm clock Joan had just launched at him.

'_Forget a new lock,'_ the companion thought to herself, _'I need to get a security bar.'_


End file.
